Like Her Mother Before Her
by Master Solo
Summary: Follow the Skywalkers and Solos as each tells a tale of exile, insanity, and death. Vig series, mostly answers to the Ben challenges by LegacyChild1.
1. Like Her Mother Before Her

Like Her Mother Before Her  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
Author: Moi   
Genre: Angst  
Keywords?????  
Time: Post-Legacy   
Characters: Tenel Ka, cameos by Jacen, Allana, Jaina, Isolder, and Teneniel  
Summary: Tenel Ka goes a little insane.  
Notes: I'm experimenting with insanity, so tell me if it's working out or not.

As Tenel Ka stared into the drink before her, she tried to clear her emotions. _There is no emotion, there is peace._ That was part of what the Force told her. The other parts were that Jacen was dead and the wine before her was poisoned.

"Queen Mother?' asked the sole servant in the opulent quarters.

"Leave us. There has been a disturbance in the Force and we need to recover," ordered the former Jedi.

"As you wish, your majesty." The servant bowed before exiting and gently closing the door behind him, inviting in an eerie silence.

As Tenel Ka's strong fingers curled around the crimson goblet, her granite-gray eyes landed on a Holo of Isolder. _Without you on the throne, your cousins will stage a civil war._

"You are dead, Father. Leave me." Tenel Ka muttered as she swirled the crimson liquid in her chalice. She reached to Jacen to help stabilize the insanity that had been building since her crowning, but found only anguish and emptiness instead. The Force was merely reminding her of what she had lost.

Isolder, or rather, whatever Tenel Ka was hearing in her head, refused to leave. _No one is born free of the burden of expectations. You must rule._

"I have ruled. Now leave." The Queen Mother sighed. She had always considered herself a logical and methodical warrior queen, and yet there she was, battling not against monsters but against herself. She refused to believe that the voice came from anywhere outside her mind, half wanting to acknowledge that the Hapans where driving her insane but too stubborn to accept such a notion. Still, she could not drink the wine, for that meant leaving the throne empty and paving the path for a bloody, endless war between her nobles where Battle Dragon would tear apart Battle Dragon with ferocious turbolaser fire.

Long ago, Tenel Ka had wondered if she would reshape herself to the expectations of her foes and despite the decades, the woman found no definite answer. She was a woman of action, not philosophy, and yet she was questioning. Perhaps Jacen's real death shook her too much. Her eyes then landed on a set of Dathomiri leathers that was faded beyond repair.

_When did you last have your leathers made?_ Teneniel's voice echoed.

"You are in the spirit world, Mother. You cannot possibly disturb me."

_Mother, I think Lady Rei wants you dead._ Allana's voice resounded in Tenel Ka's head, bringing back memories from the days before the heir left for Ossus. The Queen Mother wanted to attempt to hoot her daughter out of her head as well, but was only frustrated over the fact that she could not use death as a reason. She then reminded herself the purpose of her seclusion and brought the goblet to her lips. However, just before the liquid could touch her tongue, multitudes of voices rose to protest the act.

Just as there were people who wanted her dead for the selfish ends, so were there people who wished to see her alive so that she could reward them. Tenel Ka was often disgusted with the people she was born to serve.

_Poison. They did not even give her the dignity of a final battle._ This time, the most prominent voice in the chaotic cacophony of Tenel Ka's mind was her own. Poison. That substance also swirled in the glass in the current Queen Mother's hands, but this time, things were different. Tenel Ka had fought her battles with anti-Jedi rebels and was unfortunate enough to live. This Queen Mother, if she was to take the poison, would have the dignity of choosing her own death just as she had been able to fight her last battle.

_At least you will not be alone._

Neither will you. Jaina seemed to stand right beside the Dathomiri queen as the Sword's voice rose above everybody else's.

"Perhaps that is a fact." Tenel Ka delved into the Force for strength despite her usual avoidance of the energy field. She groaned when the Force seemed to amplify the chaos in her head. The woman began to look outside the bedroom window and into the ethereal gardens for peace, but shook her head and turned her gaze back. Tenel Ka was not one to look at scenery, nor was she one to go insane, nor was she one to mourn irrationally for extended periods.

For endless moments, Tenel Ka found herself torn between drinking from the cup of death and pouring the liquid into the refresher sink.

_Choose and act. That's what Vergere told me. No choice will be made for you and I'll be with you either way._ Jacen's Holo seemed to move as he urged. There were too many Holos beside the bed. Too many voices in Tenel Ka's head. Millions of memories flashed past the granite-gray eyes at random as garbled voices piled upon the pressure inside Tenel Ka's skull threatened to make it explode. However, one voice rose above and hushed all of the rest temporarily. It was her daughter.

_Come on, Mother. Don't you trust me?_ A teenaged Allana seemed to say from a neatly framed Holo.

"I am alone and my battle is over. Father, I am sorry to disappoint you." Tenel Ka adamantly countered Jaina and agreed with Allana. "And yes, Allana, I do trust you."

The weakening queen began to say more, but realized that added words would be redundant and thus unnecessary wastes of breath. There was no need to trust Allana with the task of keeping secrets because the young woman would never admit that Tenel Ka Djo would drink poison on purpose.

In the past, ever since her crowning, Tenel Ka lived to be Jedi, keep her nobles from slaughtering each other. For most of those years, she had Jacen and Isolder for support. Now all was lost and different. Tenel Ka was no longer needed on the throne because Allana was ready to rule. There was no more point in being Jedi because she left the Jedi Order. Most of all, there was no more point in living because both of her pillars were dead.

Tenel Ka knew and tried to deny that the horrible moment of poisoning was coming for many years thanks to visions from the Force, which she tried to shut off, but when it finally became imminent, it was not as she had expected at all. At the end, there was no denial, only embrace. A rare smile touched her lips as she welcomed the sweet taste of the mixture of wine and death on her tongue. Unlike most of her smiles, the last one remained as she slumped into position similar to that which she found her mother in three decades ago and as her consciousness began to fade.

The Queen Mother's vision blurred and when it refocused momentarily, she saw a young Jacen floating before her with a ghost of the jungles of Yavin in the background.

_Come on, Tenel Ka!_ Jacen extended a hand, his brandy brown eyes staring boldly into Tenel Ka's, begging her to join him. As her vision began to blur again and as her pulse violently destabilized, the former Jedi took her lover's hand and leaped into the jungle. For the first time in more than thirty years, Tenel Ka saw herself with both arms and turned to see her crumpled physical form sitting in the same chair that she discovered Teneniel in. She was glad to die like her mother before her.

-

Hours later, a woman in her early twenties appeared before the crowd that has gathered around the palace. A man who appeared to be two or three years younger than her flanked her silently with a datapad in his hand.

"People of Hapes, as we all know, we found our mother poisoned. Before I, Allana, her only daughter, crown myself Queen Mother, I must inform you of progress on our investigation. Speak, Prince Anakin," commanded the young woman at the end of her speech.

"As you command." Obediently, Anakin stepped up to take a place at his sister's side and spoke. "As head of the investigation into my mother's death, I declare that all evidence points to the Ni'Korish extremists."


	2. 11367

Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, I'd be a lot richer than I am right now, so I don't own anything and don't sue me, please.  
Title: 11.3.67   
Characters: Ben Skywalker  
Author: SilSolo  
Time: 67 years ABY, like the title says  
Genre: Challenge replies  
Notes: I'd like to thank **ZaraValinor** for beta'ing this! I wrote this to answer LegacyChild's April challenge, which you can find on the Resource board.  
Summary: Ben reflects on his choice to leave the Jedi Order after living in the wilderness for several years.

_I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired   
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I want to do   
is be more like me  
and be less like you_  
Numb by Linkin Park

**11.3.67 ABY**

I've tried to convince myself that I always was Ken, spirit son of Clan Omicron, to the core, but now, I'm not so sure, if I ever was. Ben the Aberrant Scion Skywalker is beginning to resurface on this lovely backwater planet of Onderon and I don't want him to.

Here, without that cumbersome identity, I can live as a normal man, a beast trainer and a husband. Here, there's no politics, no war, and no Jedi meddling until just now. I don't like doing what Jedi do, nosing into the affairs of others for little but death and destruction in return all because they have this power. I don't know how long I'd ramble if I were to give all of the examples from the Yuuzhan Vong war. I once didn't believe any of the stuff that I just said, but years of futile missions, with the last one being to and from Hapes, changed that dramatically. I won't blame Allana for using me as a chess piece since she's Hapan, but I can't forget the way she flirted with me when Jedi sentiments were high and revealed a secret that almost got me executed when times turned sour. How was I supposed to know that we were related, especially when she pretended to have no trace of Skywalker blood?

The one good thing that came out of the incident from my Hapan mission was my 'exile' and my being stripped of the Force; I ascertained for myself the life sentence that I've wanted and am still serving. I cannot thank Valin and Jysella enough for silencing the Force in my head once and for all, even though they demanded an almost impossible price. People protested my leaving the known world, but if they want Skywalkers, they can have Allana, the two goons she calls brothers, and their cousins.

Here comes my adorable little daughter, Mara. Until very recently, she, or rather, her name, was the only trace of my origins outside of this felicitous world, but I never cared because she always used her sobriquet, Mara'ihka and her namesake was the only thing that I liked about the Jedi world. I don't want to look at the artifact that my daughter wishes to show me since I know that it dates back to the time of the Sith rule---the Sith War at the latest. On the other hand, I can't reject my kid, can I, even if she's digging up something related to my annoying doubts about a former life that I do not miss at all? At least I'm trying to tell myself that I never belonged with the Jedi and don't yearn for that old life.

My daughter's coming to me, of all people, because she knows that I was once a Jedi Knight but not the pain I went through. I feel all the more confused and I wonder if that's how Vader felt all along, but especially after he met my father. What am I saying? I can't afford to have even the slightest conflict about the past that I've left behind and can never return to when my beautiful little Onderonian daughter's running to me. I'll just have to tell her to stay away from these items and the ruins of the city. That'll spare her the hurt of being Jedi, though it'll upset and disappoint the kid a little bit since she's pretty eager to show me what she's found.

-San. End

-  
Endnote: If you want more information on Onderon, read the Tales of the Jedi comics.


	3. Leaving It All Behind

Leaving it All Behind

Disclaimer: Star Wars is not mine and since I'm a poor student, do not sue me. The song, Numb, belongs to Linkin Park.

Author: SilSolo

Characters: Ben, Allana, Valin, Jysella, not very many

Summary: Ben leaves the Jedi Order.

Notes: This is a response to the July Ben Skywalker Dare Challenge and a prequel to this fic: http/boards. The dare:

--Ben Skywalker is at a location of your choice where he meets Allana.  
--Somehow, in the fic, he remembers the Gorog attack on Allana in The Unseen Queen.  
--Ben and Allana figure out their relationship to each other. What happens from there and their reaction to this is up to you.  
--Any point in the Legacy era./b

Streams of moonlight shone upon the palace, revealing a building that was motionless and noiseless save on the balcony that lead from the Queen Mother's chambers. A red-haired man who was in his early thirties stood beside a woman who appeared to be eight years younger. White-blonde tresses flowed freely from her head save where the golden crown habitually sat in the daytime.

"You're not backing out on being my Jedi consort, are you, Ben?" asked the young woman playfully.

"Nah, it's just that sometimes I get tired of being Jedi and taking all of this politics."

"You won't have to. After all, that job falls only to the Queen Mother and daughter that she may choose."

"Allana…" Ben almost whispered to the young queen who stood beside him in the pale and yet strong moonlight of Hapes. "Do you think they—those Niko-huttslimes---will kill me?"

"Save it for the daytime, Jedi lover and they can have you over my dead body. Night is for peace, perfection, and love." The woman's lean, lithe body leaned against Ben's as the royal gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's just that the people are talking only about us and giving me the death glares. I just wonder how long we'll keep this perfect life."

"As long as we both live, dearie," grinned Allana as she snuggled closer to Ben. When Ben began to pull away, the woman asked, "Something wrong?"

"Nothing much, just that your brothers keep saying things… I'm your father's cousin. They're lying, aren't they?"

"I'm sure they are. It's getting late, so let's get to bed. They're just jealous that you're three times as powerful as the two of them put together or those nobles are jealous that I love you much more than I love any one of their dim-witted bunch." Allana laughed off the accusation as she began to follow Ben back into the bedroom. Ben probed her mind to find reinforcement for the words, but found the murky, reclusive presence impossible to read. The Jedi Knight tried to convince himself that there was nothing to worry about, but found the doubt unbearable.

"Well, Ben? Aren't we going to finish our first complete night together?" Allana asked as she sat down on the silky sheets and patted a spot next to her, gesturing for Ben to come.

"As soon as I make sure that your brothers aren't right," replied the Jedi. All of the information and warnings from the Force and from Allana's brother were confusing Ben. Moreover, the room looked familiar to the Jedi Knight, as if he had been there before, long ago.

iI'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface/i

"Suit yourself and take my weapon, though the test will assure you that we're not so closely relate that our kids will be idiots, consort-to-be."

"Force be with us both, then." Ben forced a grin. Almost immediately, Allana slipped off the bed and pulled him into a kiss.

A part of Ben's mind warned that Allana was being too sweet to be honest and that he was being goaded into something, but the curious half made Ben dismiss the admonishments. He quickly grabbed Allana's lightsaber and dashed down the darkened halls to the medbay. When he closed his eyes and sank into the comfort of the Force, he felt something unveil in his mind, something that was forcefully shoved into the distant recesses.

Flashback

Ben found himself standing not too far from where he was, only in the daylight instead of the darkness. His fingers fumbled around until he shut down a YVH droid and then he bounced into the queen's chambers. The images in his memories were blurry, but he recognized Jacen. There was a baby in his cousin's arms and a one-armed, redheaded woman with proud braids standing next to the crib. The conversations flashed too quickly for Ben to make out the exact words said, but there was something about Jacen having a child with that woman. Then there was Gorog and everything blanked out.

End of Flashback

Ben realized that Allana had to be his cousin's child, but he still had to make certain that the baby in Jacen's arms was indeed her. But what if her brothers were actually half-brothers and the child was one of them, most likely Anakin? That could be, since Jacen would have named his first son after the dead Anakin Solo. The skin sample from Allana's lightsaber would answer the questions.

When Ben arrived, he spotted the machine that was to detect matches between his and placed both of their weapons on the surface that was to absorb their genes. Since he was not a medic, he was not supposed to touch the equipment, but he ignored the rules and deftly pressed button after button. Minutes later, the red-haired Jedi nearly puked as his eyes bulged. He could not believe that the Queen Mother who was about to take him to bed truly was somewhere between a first cousin and a second cousin.

Suddenly, all of the mysteries and rumors around Jacen began to make sense. People were murmuring about Jacen having an affair with Tenel Ka because not only was Jacen the previous Queen Mother's lover, but he was also at least the father of Allana. Since Jacen was also impatient to take the two boys as his students, they, too, were likely his children. Ben's cousin died in a battle against Hapan rebels because the father wanted to protect Allana and Tenel Ka had allowed for herself to be poisoned afterwards.

When Ben regained all of his composure, he traced his steps back to Allana's chambers and knocked on the dark blue door.

"Ben, you're about to become my consort and you're still knocking? Come on back in," invited Allana.

"It's a matter of courtesy, Queen Mother." Once again, Ben forced a smile upon his lips.

"Ben, I thought we decided not to get all formal." A playful smile tugged at Allana's lips, but Ben had a feeling that it was faked.

"I-I'm your father's cousin." Ben stuttered.

"What? Get out! How dare you come into my room? Guards!" Allana shrieked at the top of her lungs and a squad of female guards stormed into the inner chambers immediately, stopping just inside the entrance.

"Arrest this Jedi and bring me a Holo-broadcaster," ordered Allana, her face crimson with fury.

"As you wish, milady." One of the guards bowed and left before returning with the object that Allana demanded.

-

Ben did not know why he failed to resist Allana's bodyguards when they stunned him, but it did not matter. All that mattered was that every last bit of blame for the illicit affair landed on his shoulders with a thud.

"Why, Allana, why did you do this? You knew that I was your father's cousin, didn't you?" asked Ben as they marched down the corridors to meet the Hapan people outside. Thankfully, Allana did not cuff him.

"Accusing me will only earn you a worse death sentence than what you're getting." Allana averted a reply. She then silently thought at Ben through the Force. biIt's politics./i/b

biOf course, I know it's that since I'm here on a diplomatic mission, but what exactly/i/b Ben thought back at Allana.

biIt's my duty to keep the people happy and to make alliances when necessary. When they worshipped Jedi, I gave them the idea that I was going to marry one. When the Ni'Korish started to rise again, I did what I could to stop the dissent before what happened to my dad could happen again. I love you./i/b

biYou sure have a strange way of showing it./i/b

biI'm sorry I've had to use you as a scapegoat and a chess piece, but I'm Hapan and you, as the Skywalker heir, have no choice but to play along. It's Hapan politics and you got caught up in it when you came./i/b

biWha-? What did I ever do to deserve that? I'm just a Jedi Knight doing what the Order sent me to do, which is to help you./i/b If Ben was able to slap his hand on his forehead, he would have done so. Allana was so full of contradictions, hypocrisy, and…. Ben tried not to think further along that line. All he knew was that the woman who professed to love him was his ticket to hell and implied that she intended to marry him due to his Skywalker name rather than real love.

iDon't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)  
Every step I take is another mistake to you  
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)/i

ibYou came and you'll be helping me to stave off the crowd./b/i With that last thought, Allana spun around and left. The next few hours were a blur to Ben, as he struggled to stay calm between being betrayed and hearing Jedi throw death threats at Allana. Because he was the son of the former Grand Master, Ben was kept comfortable and treated well, at least for a male prisoner.

Ben suddenly sensed a Force-sensitive approaching and recognized the man as one of Allana's brothers.

"Don't worry about being executed, Jedi Skywalker. We'll get you out of this," whispered the prince, a boy in his late teens. Unlike most Hapan men, he sported short, spiky hair that barely grew past his temples and dyed his bangs orange.

"We?" Ben asked, confused and suspicious about who the boy was referring to.

"Yeah. I'll get you out of here if you want me to," grinned the young prince.

"There's something that you're not telling me." Ben cast the boy a suspicious, sideways glance.

Part 2

"It's nothing much. We'll be working with your mom on this one," the Hapan boy grinned again. Ben reached into the Force in an attempt to probe the prince's mind, but found a flash of the future instead.

"And she'll kill Allana if she knows the whole truth," Ben sighed. He was supposed to be angry enough to let Allana die, but he wasn't. Perhaps it was because he wanted to kill her himself, but whenever his hand moved toward the lightsaber handle, he trembled.

"Yeah," the boy admitted. "The plan is this: I'll distract my sister, my brother'll do some negotiating on her behalf, and you'll convince all of the Alliance people to escort you out of Hapes."

The young prince continued, "I know that now's not a good time to say it, but please understand, there's a lot of politics behind all of this. My sister's been very misguided ever since Mother took the poisoned wine."

"That was three years ago," Ben retorted. ibJust how did I get myself into this mess in the first place/b/i

"I know. Hapan politics does strange things to mourning queens."

Politics. The word aroused many distant memories in his mind, memories of his days before the Hapan assignment, when he was just going from planet to planet, negotiating with corrupt leaders.

"I'm not that convincing, aren't I? I'm a prince, but I grew up on Ossus and wasn't taught any Hapan stuff. This is the first time I've been here since Allana's coronation ceremony," the boy admitted.

biGreat. Now I have to trust my rescue to a kid who doesn't even know this place./b/i Ben was disgusted.

"Come with me. We don't have much time," whispered the young prince as he pushed his stray, orange bangs back. Ben nodded in agreement and followed the boy to the familiar gardens where he often sat with Allana, deceived into thinking that he could be her consort and finally have his excuse for leaving the Jedi Order.

Ben suddenly felt tired as he remembered the familiar feelings of dissent and selfishness radiating from his cousin's suitors. He felt it so often from politicians that were he not a Jedi who was required to monitor everything, he would have purposefully blinded himself to it all.

i I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware/i

Flashback

"You don't like politics, do you? I can sense it." Allana grinned as she strode up to Ben's hiding place behind one of the beautiful, multicolored trees. On Hapes, or at least near the palace, most plants were a splash of colors year-round.

"No, I don't."

"Then you should stay here. You guys have it to your advantage that you don't have to deal with any of it."

"Never?" Ben asked, incredulous.

"Nope, never," the blonde queen replied flirtatiously, her voice saturated with giggles. She then took a seat on one of the benches beneath the tree and gestured for Ben to join her. "You know, you should stay here."

Ben's jaw dropped, but no words came, even when he needed to refuse the peace that he desperately wanted. Surely, Hapes would have been a peaceful place to stay, wouldn't it? The woman before him was so stunning that he could not possibly refuse anything that she offered. Ben would've shaken his head were he not completely frozen with shock. No, the queen was more than beautiful. She exuded something that the other Hapan women did not.

End of flashback

In hindsight, Ben realized that part of Allana's allure came from her masterful manipulation of the Force, which she most likely learned from Jacen. The Jedi Knight was hardly surprised that his former Master taught more to Allana than the first apprentice, since Allana was Jacen Solo's only daughter. Ben began to wonder if the boys had the same abilities, but the young prince's words snapped him out of his thoughts.

"You know, you're a lot like my dad," commented the prince as he led Ben down a secret path through the lush vegetation of the garden, pushing aside branches here and there.

iI've becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you/i

Ben responded with an inquisitive look and a cocked eyebrow, so the prince explained, "You never believed in the dark side and you're awfully protective."

So it was confirmed. Jacen had to be the father of all of Tenel Ka's children if both Allana and the youngest were his. The darkened gardens remained silent as the dawning sun slowly began to rise. "Good point."

"Quickly, before the suitors come back out," the Hapan boy gestured after breaking into a mad dash. "They'll kill us both. It's a good idea to get a cloak on. So what's it like being a full Jedi Knight?"

ibI forgot how he's such a Tahiri Jr. Then again, all he did is send me a few Holo-letters about how his sister's a viper./i/b

Flashback

Ben attempted to relax in his quarters on Ossus and put his most recent missions out of his mind when he heard footsteps approaching. He was too tired to want to reach into the Force and identify whoever was walking down the halls. Whenever he did reach into the Force, he felt that it'd just overwhelm him.

iCan't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control/i

"Jedi Skywalker has to accept this mission, if only to tame that power of his!" said one of the Jedi in the Temple.

"I agree. Master Skywalker's only son has to put on more of a show than what he's got on now," added the second person.

iCause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)/i

Ben sighed, for he knew that the Jedi wanted him to pull off another Centerpoint, another stunt to feed somebody's political ambitions. He was no longer the kid who'd blindly do anything for the Galactic Alliance. Couldn't they just see that they were merely encouraging the next Sal-Solo?

End of flashback

Ben snapped out of his trance when he noted a peculiarity in the loud and chaotic flow of the Force. Even after all of those decades, the scars and echoes of the people who died during the Yuuzhan Vong war remained. Someone was coming through the front gates with a lightsaber stud at her waist. That someone was from the Jedi Order and there to kill Allana.

Ben threw off his cloak and dashed for the palace's main entrance, not waiting for the young prince.

"Ben, what are you thinking? You're going to get us both killed!" yelled the boy between heavy gasps. The teenaged apprentice obviously needed more workouts before he could even be considered for knighthood. "Don't tell me that after all of what happened, you still want to play guard for Allana."

iEvery step that I take is another mistake to you  
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take/i

"None shall pass until the Queen Mother awakens." Ben yelled as he halted just short of the palace's closed entrance, effectively blocking the Jedi's path. Despite the betrayal, Ben had to protect Allana from his angered mother.

"The boy's right.. Now step aside." Mara's eyes met Ben's as she took another step. Ben shook his head as he activated one of his twin lightsabers.

"Sorry, mom, but I can't." His mind suddenly flashed back to the time he was trapped with Nelani, when he was forced to face an image of his mother. This time, it was the real thing and he felt himself almost go limp after barely swimming through a torrent of emotions. The Force was roaring like a ship's engines in his mind.

"Now, like I've said, step aside, and it'll be easy." Mara activated her neon blue blade as well.

"I can't." Ben shook his head.

"The twit's brainwashed you."

"Even if I am brainwashed, you'll still have to get through me, Mom."

"Don't make me fight you, because I'm doing this for you."

"You're going to kill her."

"For what she did to you."

"Then I'm truly sorry, Mom, but I can't." The words sounded unnatural in Ben's mouth.

"Don't play the protective lover with me, Ben. It won't work," warned Mara.

"You'll start a war if you kill her." A tear slid down Ben's cheek as the fierce, Hapan winds whipped his robes and his hair. It was a good thing that Jacen taught him how to negotiate. "Besides, Hapes doesn't have an heir at the moment. We can't throw her sixty-three worlds into chaos, at least not until one of her brothers gets married."

iI've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware/i

"These twits deserve it, for killing Jacen and letting her run like that," Mara muttered.

"I'm doing it the way I'm going to have it done, Mom. You seriously think that I'd let Allana run me through like that? You're embarrassing us both," Ben sighed but dared not to stop talking for the fear of his mother's anger. He still was not certain if he had the skill to defeat such a great Jedi Master, yet. It was a good thing that Jacen taught him how to act. Ben then did his best to fake a maniacal laugh. "I'm taking care of her my way, like any guy should. Nobody does anything for me, especially not you, iMother/i."

"So much for trying to come up with a plan," the prince muttered as he watched mother and son bicker. The guards of the morning shift were coming and his allotted time on Hapes was almost over. "Come on, let's go back to Ossus."

"I don't trust either of you," Mara eyed the Hapan and then Ben. "But I'll go."

Part 3

Ben squinted in the sunlight that poured into the spartan council room and then glanced at each of the twelve Jedi Masters.

"Jedi Skywalker, what is your response to the Hapans' accusations of incest?" asked the Grand Master.

"That's between them and me." Ben answered simply, shrinking away from the other man's harsh gaze. Most men, at his age, had families, but all that Ben ever had were a few dead lovers and a doomed affair with a queen who was eight years younger than he was. He couldn't blame his previous loves for being Jedi and dying on dangerous missions, though. The random thought merely served to remind him of more reason to hate the Jedi.

iI've becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you/i

Yet there Ben stood, inside the Temple, the very headquarters of the people whom he despised.

"You're innocent until proven guilty, Jedi Skywalker, but in the meantime, you're to stay on Ossus. Any attempt to leave this planet will be taken as an admission of your guilt." The Grand Master stared into Ben's bloodshot, blue-gray eyes and the accused Knight merely nodded in response.

"You are dismissed," the Grand Master finished and Ben sighed in relief before leaving the chamber. Outside, the Jedi watched dead silence as the Knight walked past them aimlessly, as if he did not know where he wanted to go next. He did not need the Force to know that the other Jedi thought of him as almost as much of a fallen angel as his former Master, Jacen. The dissent in the Force told him that the Jedi were more than regarding him; they were spreading conflicting and cruel rumors like young teens. Well, the crowd was composed mostly apprentices who were dismissed from their classes. The whispers in the Force soon became a tumultuous roar and Ben has had enough. He needed some peace and quiet in order to digest everything, from being betrayed to almost fighting his own mother.

A part of Ben Skywalker wished that he was still just an untamed child who blindly followed Jacen's lead. No, he couldn't possibly wish for that. As a child, he was so vulnerable that Jacen was able to erase Ben's memories as if the boy did not have the Force.

Ben settled into his quarters and gave a ghost of a grin at the welcome hiss of his door slamming shut. The room was barely furnished because the Jedi were always desperate to send the next Skywalker on the most insane missions. Maybe they kept him alive so that they could send Ben away some more. Maybe he did not like being preserved alive at all.

"So the cousin that he made out with was also his Master's daughter?" Ben overheard a girl whisper excitedly as a group of apprentices strode past his quarters. It was a good thing that the door did not have a nametag. His blood almost reached its boiling point. Sure, he came close to doing what he was accused of a few times, but he never expected for himself to be related to any Hapans, especially not their royals.

Ben struggled to erase the memories of how Allana's smooth, warm skin rubbed against his when she pinned him against a wall only a few weeks ago. There was the gown and the warm breath and… The Jedi Knight shook his head.

"Yup," confirmed a second person.

"How does he get away with sleeping with his royal cousin?" asked a third person, an alien with a heavily accented voice.

"Pleasures of being the founder's son," the second person answered again.

"Wanna bet how long it'll be before he's forgiven and then given another fun assignment?" giggled yet another Jedi.

A thousand substances in the Jedi's blood surpassed their critical point and Ben's hand moved toward his lightsaber's hilt as he dropped to his knees. He has had enough of the accusations, enough of the betrayal, and enough of the missions that 'needed' a powerful Jedi. iThump./i Ben heard his heart beat as he pushed one end of the hilt against his chest.

"You know, it's a shame that we had such high hopes for him," sighed the girl who spoke first.

iAnd I know  
I may end up failing too/i

"Master Skywalker's coming this way, we'd better talk about something else," cautioned the second speaker. The person was right and Ben sighed before returning the hilt to its proper place on his belt. He was going to have to pull it off elsewhere. He then stood up and straightened his robes. He did not want to look like a weak fool in front of his father, even if the older man already knew of the Hapan affair.

The buzzer buzzed and Ben merely waved for the door to open. Sure enough, Luke was there.

"Hey, Dad." As soon as the door closed again, Ben added, "I'm really not the Jedi you expected for me to be, am I?"

"You've always had your choice, Ben," replied Luke.

"Still, you wanted me to be a Jedi."

"That's true," Luke admitted. Ben then studied the old man with the graying hair in the following silence. His mind briefly flashed back to the one time his father told him everything about the mysterious Lumiya woman and took some comfort in the fact that he was not a lone sufferer. Of course, he was a fool to ever think that he's the first or the only person to ever be blamed for something that he was not guilty of.

iBut I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you/i

After a conversation that lasted indefinitely, the redheaded Jedi strode out of his quarters, determined to carry out his second plan to silence the roaring Force forever.

-

Ben took a deep breath as he knocked on the door that marked the 36th apartment on the Corellian outpost. He was not supposed to be that far from Ossus, but that was a Jedi decree and he no longer thought of himself as a Jedi. If the Horns had learned what he believed they'd learned, then they were his only chance of leaving the Jedi Order for good. It was a shame that Jacen was dead, since Jacen was much easier to approach than two Corellian strangers.

"Jedi Skywalker, I'm pleasantly surprised to see you here," Jysella answered the door.

"Uh, yeah. I'm not supposed to leave Ossus, but…"

"We Corellians aren't with the mainstream Jedi anymore. It's not our job to report you, Jedi Skywalker."

"Okay, then. Can you silence the Force in me forever?"

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Valin, who appeared at Jysella's side soon after she opened the door, finally spoke up. Ben nodded in response. Was what he was about to experience going to be like the forgotten days of his distant childhood, when he refused to touch the tainted Force? He knew that he had a good reason to withdraw, but could not remember anything.

"Okay, then that's what we'll do. First, we'll need your lightsaber," Valin sighed gravely. Why would a powerful Skywalker want nothing further to do with the Force?

"My lightsabers? Why?"

"It's a rare and hard procedure. We must charge a good price for it," Jysella explained. As Ben struggled to process the woman's words, he saw a blinding flash of light like nothing he ever saw before and gulped.

Flashback

"You expected me to touch the Force because you wanted me to be a Jedi, didn't you? Well, I'm not touching it!" Ben screamed at one of the Jedi Masters on either Ossus or the iErrant Venture/i, not certain as to where he was because the memory was so distant. However, the painful shriek resounded in Ben's skull time and time again, bringing back more haunting memories of the Yuuzhan Vong War that he was not supposed to remember.

End of flashback

Then, there was nothing in his head but a pure, eerie silence. It was as if he lost one of his senses. Ben then remembered the eerie taste of the vast field of energy in terms that he did not know of as a child. The galaxy's life energy was saturated with death and blood that chaos was everywhere.

i I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
I've becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you/i

The sensation felt oddly good as Ben listened vainly for the cries of the Force. Was that what it was like to not have the blasted sense at all? Either way, Ben still had one more step to take towards separating from the Jedi.

"Thank you." Ben gave a relieved grin.

"Your weapon." Valin reminded, stopping the redheaded Ben as he was about to exit Jysella's apartment. The younger Jedi gladly unclipped his twin sabers and Force-floated them to Valin, who caught it with a nod. The weapons once felt like an extension of his arm, especially the first one, which he built at the age of twelve under Jacen's tutelage. Once, their loud hums harmonized with the rhythm of the Force, but the connection to the weapons was lost when he lost his ability to feel the Force.

"You're lucky that I'm visiting. The process would've hurt much more since neither of us has Master Sunrider's power." Valin admonished.

"Yeah, and thanks, though pain wouldn't have meant anything to me, at least not when it means an end to my headache."

"Take care, Ben." Jysella added and the youngest Jedi, or rather, ex-Jedi, merely nodded in response as he stepped out and closed the door behind him with a hiss. He saw something in her eyes, but dared not to contemplate it. He had just asked to be stripped of the Force in order to leave the Jedi, so it wouldn't have been right to start an affair with one, even a Corellian separatist, right afterwards.

-

Ben drew his midnight black cloak around his body and climbed into the starfighter that he 'borrowed from the Temple on Ossus and braced himself for hyperspace as he entered the coordinates into the navicomputer. The stars elongated before disappearing altogether and when they reappeared, Ben was in the Ossus system. Peaceful, beautiful bands surrounded the planet, reminding Ben of the devastating Sith War that left the marks there years ago. Sith. Jedi and Sith. He was so tired of hearing all of that trash that surrounded having the ability to use the Force.

i I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware/i

"Jedi Skywalker, you are ordered to land." Ben was surprised that he was unable to feel the speaker in advance, but then remembered the price of not having the Force with him. The directions then appeared automatically on the screen and Ben set the starfighter to autopilot.

A few hours later, Ben found himself soaked with sweat as he faced the Council.

"Jedi Skywalker, you were ordered to remain here, on Ossus," the Grand Master began.

"I disobeyed." A look of outrage registered on the Grand Master's face when Ben answered. The young former Knight continued, "I deserve…"

"I'm not finished." The Jedi Master glared at Ben, attempting to penetrate through the young man's head, but was surprised to fly straight past it. "None of us could sense you in the Force. Why is that?"

Ben gulped as he stared into the expectant eyes of each councilor, Jysella's warm grin flashed back into his mind. He could not betray her, could he? On one hand, the Corellian Jedi were completely separate from the rest of the Alliance Jedi and he had paid his full price by giving her one of his lightsabers, but she had done him a great favor in forever silencing the chaotic Force in his head. Why was he even thinking about what he was going to say to a council that could no longer govern him? All he ever wanted was to be freed from politics, war, and whatnot. At least the lack of the Force, an element that now and forever separated Ben Skywalker from the Jedi, felt right to the man.

i I've becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you/i

"I don't deserve to have the Force, so I sought a way to push it out. I couldn't stay because I was an embarrassment to the Jedi Order!" Ben's freckled face reddened as he shouted and then realized how true his words were. The Jedi pointed at him and whispered during his brief stay. However, he would have to enact the next part. "I enjoyed every last bit of the affair with Allana---the prospect of being her consort, of having sixty-three worlds, of her possibly creating the most powerful Jedi that ever existed from my genes---all of it!"

Ben wanted to revel in the moment when the councilors collectively gasped in shock at his confession, but he could not. Instead, he was merely satisfied that the Jedi could not longer probe his mind for honesty. Still, it would have been no use, since even when he attempted to lie, he was honest to the end. Allana did tell him that Tenel Ka used the Force to create just the right combination of genes and thus the most powerful daughter possible the night Jacen visited and that the current queen would carry on the tradition by doing the same thing. He was also quite flattered when she talked about making him consort over her 'idiot nobles'.

"So it's true, however much I didn't want to believe you," sighed the man to the Grand Master's right. "So you did start the affair with the full knowledge that she's your cousin."

"Yes," Ben lied. Maybe he did lie, and not only did he just lie, but he also did it well enough to fool his own parents, were they there. Most likely, he was very fortunate that they were both busy or else they would have seen through him.

"Then, you may spend the rest of your life in exile." The Grand Master read Ben the sentence.

Ben gasped. Most Jedi would have considered exile to be punishment, but to Ben, the prospect of a life away from galactic politics was a gift almost as great as the lack of the Force itself.

"On the planet of your choice." The Jedi Master finished.--

The ship shook upon suddenly finding air pressure for the first time in hours and Ben grinned as he entered Onderonian atmosphere, stepping into the rest of his life. He was finally non-Jedi, Force-less, not about to be married to a two-faced witch, and happy. biPerhaps I'll die, too./i/b Ben mused as the temperature in the ship rose exponentially due to air friction and as his skin began to burn.

iI've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Is everything what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Is everything what you want me to be/i

Ben nodded indifferently as he embraced the heat. It did not matter whether he lived or died; there was peace and quiet from the Force both ways.

buIf you want to read more of this story, linkhttp/boards. here/link./b/u


End file.
